"How do I unlove you?"

A lot of things happened between us. Last year was the worst time I spent with you. You broke my heart and shattered every ounce of hope that maybe this time we can make it. Maybe this time we'll have a love that transcends time. Constant in its beauty and warmth. Always welcoming and comforting.

Last year I thought about you and I together again. Being the romantic type, I thought that having you by my side was the universe's way of saying that it was the way it was meant to be. That you and I belong together. After all, you were the turtle and I was the shell. Life would cease to exist for both of us without the other one around.

But I was wrong.

You so easily left my side.

What I saw in your eyes was not love. Though it was not hate either. What I saw in your eyes were of irritation and of disgust. I asked myself over and over what have I done to deserve that. What have I done for you to easily replace me with another? And then I found myself drowning my sorrows in beer again. Crying and wishing that my world would just end right then and there.

A month had passed with no text or call from you. You left me hanging with the promise that in one month you'd give me an answer. In that span of time, I distanced myself from what we had. I fought hard and was left with a feeling of detachment. For more than five years, I loved you and yet it seemed like the end was inevitable.

On Christmas eve, I was talking to your new girl. She was telling me there was another one involved. I lost my mind. Never once did I think of you as a two-timing kind of guy. Three time at that! But I never talked to you about it. After all, I am nothing but a past you simply could not wait to get rid of.

January came and with that you came back. Suddenly telling me that you made your mind and picked me. That you left everything for me. Deep in my heart I was glad. After everything, it was still me.

I thought that maybe, this time and again, it will work out.

How can you love a man so much to be this stupid? To hurt yourself over and over with a kind of love you always knew was lacking. Are you really happy with this guy or are you just afraid of being alone?

I am still the stupid girl I was before. I am still seeing him. I love this guy enough that it drives me nuts. And yet it's the kind of love that leaves me hurting. He tells me he loves me, but i know for a fact that I love him more. Much more than he can ever love me and it makes me feel lonely that it hurts so much.

I don't think he will be able to fill the void in my heart with his kind of love. Maybe it just isn't meant to be. But how can I let go of someone I love so much? I don't know but I think loving him is causing me more harm than good...but still I can't let go of that person. The person who gave me so much joy and so much pain...