I Have to Start

One day, I'll learn to stop checking on you. That's a promise that I'll keep for myself.

*Sigh*

I can't help but be reminded of you every single day. So for that, I have to start forgetting you. Let's just see where this goes. Again, this is another step in erasing you from my life.

Happy birthday, Turtle...

This is Awkward

Hey, baby, I finally know why you're acting this way. It's nice  of you to talk to me and tell me what's going on. Now I know that I'm not just imagining the awkwardness between us. *Sigh* That's why you're like that.

Baby, you like me.

When I'm near you, you can't help but feel nervous and tense. You can't act like you normally do. You are so anxious. You mentioned that maybe I just give off a strong vibe but that's just not it. You kept hinting that you like me or that you have a crush on me but it's all loaded with uncertainty. There's a struggle between you being a friend and having a crush on me that you can't help but feel that you have stepped beyond the line of friendship and it makes you feel guilty.

In our entire conversation, you may not have told me directly but it's clear to me that you are attracted to me. I'm not sure to what depths but that fact remains. I yearn for me to care for you and reach out. You hide this with plenty of jokes on the side and your childish demeanor.

Thank you for liking me. Thank you for seeing something special in me.

For a start, I don't hate you but I don't especially like you either. We're cool. I mean, you really are one of my babies.

I remember when we first met. You were a bit hyperactive but you were serious about your studies and you have a high drive for what you do. I really admire that about you. I see a kid in you. Someone I should help mold. In a sense, my shoti.

I don't really know how to break the awkwardness. I'm scared that if I reach out, I might hurt you. I might make you fall harder for me and that's not really my intention. I'm scared that I might give you false hope. I haven't really seen you as a man before...well, even as boy, really. I was just too focused on being a good "ate". And I don't know how to react to this.

I'm done believing

I'm done believing. I'm getting more and more hurt. Can't you see that? Don't open up an old wound. It makes it harder to heal. I'm so freakin' sick of all of this. I'm just too damned hurt. I mean how could you just break through my barriers as if nothing happened? Try to act sweet and show discontentment over your present girlfriend and damn you to compare her to me. You make me feel so stupid. I'm mortified that I'm affected by this. I'm done believing in something that's not there. I'm done believing that you'll come back. It's so damned stupid. To think that things will work out is just plain stupid. You're not doing anything in the first place. You just tip me off the edge and there's nothing I can do but fall deeper and deeper onto you. I'm a freakin' retard. Hay.

Only You

I keep waiting till forever. I wonder if it will come. I wonder if you'll be coming back.

This is frustrating. You really shouldn't have said that you're not that happy or that she isn't me. You put sparks back to an almost extinguished fire. I'm so stupid. I shouldn't be affected but I still am.

Only you can affect me like this. Only you, baby. Only you.

Honestly Real

It's been a long time. I'm not sure how to feel. I am at lost on how to react. I want to be angry and indifferent but it seems I can't. I can't even pretend. When it comes down to you, as stupid my answers or statement means, in all honesty, they are real...