Akemashite Omedetou Gozaimasu?

Nakakainis naman oh. New year na new year isnabero! Hmph. Bahala ka. >:P Sabi nga nila, ang hindi umiimik, makaka-bad breath!!! WahahaXD

I refuse to let it affect my mood. I've been trying to reach out but if he won't let me, I can't. Just shows how really selfish I am. Can't let him heal at his own pace. I have to clean my conscience and stuff. It's more for my sake that his own. All I wanna hear is, "Let's leave the past where its at. Let's start being friends again. Do over to a new year" Well, I think that not gonna happen. At least not for now.

Any way, KAMPAI!!!

"Kotoshi mo yoroshiku onegaishimasu (I look forward to our continued relationship over this year)"

Akemashite Omedetou Gozaimasu! ^.^

A Confession to my Friend

I just really wanted to see if you're okay. I want to see what's up with you. We haven't been talking much these past few months and I just want to see if you'll be fine without me. And somehow I think you are.

It's a mixed feeling actually, I'm happy that you're fine yet a bit sad because you've managed to ignore me for so long.

If I was writing this a few weeks back, I would have wished for you to need me. To need me in the sense that you wouldn't be able to live without me. Back then I didn't want to choose. I wanted you as well as my boyfriend. I was selfish. I made you hurt and I made him hurt too. After thinking it out, I decided to chose you but you were no where to be found. It's hard giving your heart to someone who's trying very hard to forget you. I called. I texted. I tried to reach out to you, but I also wanted to preserve my pride...

When my boyfriend and I broke up, I wanted you to call me, to text me, or do whatever to contact me. But you didn't. And now, things changed. I'm not that selfish anymore. I'm setting you free as I am setting myself free.

It's a nice feeling not hoping for you to come back. No more false hopes. I've never been fond of goodbyes. Let's just start a new chapter of our lives. Just as friends. Nothing more, nothing less. For that to come true, I'll need your help.

When I lost you, my boyfriend worked hard to get me back. He didn't lose hope. At first I kept resisting his efforts, but now he reaps the fruits of his labor. He got me back. Little by little, he won me back. I didn't fell in love with him instantly, but I know that deep down I still have feelings for him. I love him, but still not to the point where I was in love with him. There's a big difference between the two. Yet, he held on to that.

Finally, after battling with myself several times, I know what I want. I want someone who'll be there, even though I raise hell at times, even though I make stupid decisions, and even though I hurt him at times. I want someone who'll love me despite my shortcomings.

I am not half hearted anymore. I lost my faith in forever and Bam has given it back. He made me believe in forever once more. I am once again, in love with him.

My friend, I pray that someday I can hear you laughter alongside mine. I pray that you'll take good care of yourself. May you be healed of your pain and may the sadness in your eyes be replaced with happiness. I will always love you and care for you. And when you need me, you'll know where to find me. *hugs*

My Christmas Wishlist

A lot of people's been busy writing their Christmas Wishlist. Might as well join the bandwagon! HahaXD So here goes:

1. Furisode with Obi. I really want a furisode! Ever since I got hooked into this geisha business I wanted my own kimono. J

2. Car. Yup. I want a car. I don’t care if it’s old. I just want a functional car. Haha. But first, I’d have to learn how to drive and get a license.

3. Laptop. Come on! I’m gonna start working soon. I want my own portable computer!

4. Teddy Bear. Haha. I’ve olways loved teddy bears! Right now I sleep with seven huggable stuffed toys. Mind you, I sleep in a single bed. Upper deck of the bunk. Haha.

5. Cellphone. Turns out, I’m not so lucky with cellphones. Strike two! First stike, I was robbed of my N70 inside UST campus. Second strike, my 6120c kissed me goodbye together with the Ondoy flood. I just want a phone that can store a lot of messages so I won’t erase as often and a camera wouldn’t hurt.

6. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes! I love shoes. I just hate shopping for them. Haha. I love it when they’re in a mag, but sometimes I lose interest when they’re already in front of me. Weird. Haha. Any way, I want a cute functional pair with a bit of heels...a stilleto also sounds tempting though. So much for functional! Haha

7. Perfume. I’d love a bottle of Clinique Happy or Estee Lauder’s Pleasures. Right now, their my signature scents. Hehe

8. Puppy. I really love dogs! Hehe. But I’m also scared of them. Haha. Among my top picks are Shih Tzu, Maltese, Siberian Husky, Chow chow or Golden Retriever. Another option is a Persian cat. I want it to be either pure white or pure black. Hehe

9. Chocolates. Love them. I’d mention some here: Twix, 3 Musketeers, Kisses, Hugs, ... As long as it’s yummy, it will do. Haha

10. Clothes. I just want something good to add to my wardrobe. XD

There it is. That’s all I can think off right now. Any way, you’re pretty much welcome to get me anything. I’d appreciate it whether its on or off the list. J

My Scarlet Random Anonymous

1. Nice hair. :)

2. Para kang malilipad ng hangin. Pataba ka naman. Or at least, maglagay ka naman ng konting laman. HeheXD At sinasabi mo sakin na sana next time na magkita tayo magkalaman na ako. Guess who's talking. Hehe:)

3. Shocks! Namiss kita! Puro kachikahan at kachorvahan to the max! HahaXD Adik ka pa rin. And I really did miss you. :)

4. Hoy! Wag kang feeling ka. Hindi kita crush!!! XD

5. Sexy legs! WahahaXD Iron man ka pa rin talaga! Hindi na yun magbabago. Nakatatak na sa memory ko yun. HahaXD

6. Hindi lahat ng pinipicturan ko crush ko!!! Naman! HahaXD Grabe!

7. Waaah! Di ka nagpakita. Aww...I really wanted to see you there. Aalagaan mo ang Scarlet di ba?

8. Salamat sa pagturo. Haha. Sana magawa ko yung tinuturo nyo.

9. Hindi ko sila prospect!!! Waaah! Ano ba naman! XD

10. HahaXD Ganda ng ngiti mo kanina! Yeah boi! HahaXD Sana ganun na lang lagi. :)

Lesson Smeshons

Today was out Hinotori Okiya photoshoot. From 2:30pm till roughly about 5pm, we were in U.P. I hated how I looked. I had an allergy attack while preparin for the said event. Sheesh.

After the event I still had to talk to some people to settle some desputes. And afterwards, I was greeted by somone from the past.

This was a rather interesting day.

Any way, these are the things that I've learned from today.

1. Never use San-san liquid foundation. Huhu. After applying the said stuff, my skin broke out. It's like red chicken skin. It felt very itchy and very warm. That's what I get for not running a make up test before hand.

2. Never trust a laundromat who'd tell you that they accept dry cleaning. Look for a respectable cleaner. Never let jut anyone wash your kimono. Stupid cleaners who don't admit to their lack of knowlege causes a lot of problems.

3. Never again completely trust a friend who vanishes on you and still managed to lie to you. That person was caught red handed yet did not admit to his/her mistake. I'm sorry. Try as I might to fix the relationship, the damage has been done. I treasure the memories. I treasure the friendship. You may still have a part in my life, but you can only be so much. What we shared before cannot be revived...You may have your reasons, yet will it never justify how you played with our emotions...Since I'm such a freakin' good friend, let's just say that I'll be nice to you. I'll give yo a chance to explain yourself....

4. There's really no use clinging on to something that you've let go. There will always be regrets, but face it, we have to move forward. Tomorrow really may not be as bright as today. There is uncertainty. There are risks, but we have to move on. Go forward. Let bygones be byognes. Just embrace what life gives you. As they say, when life gives you lemons, make lemonade! HahaXD

That's it for now. :P

Things Left Unsaid

How do you begin to get over someone you love? Just when you found the courage to fight, he disappears. All that's left is the memories which you hold on to dearly. He vanishes on you, perhaps to heal his heart as well.

I cannot begin to ponder all these things. There are still a lot of words left unsaid. A lot of emotion in me trying to get out and driving me nuts. He drives me crazy. His absence drives me crazy. It's hard enough getting used to him, and yet it's harder without him. It's a lot more painful and lonelier.

Maybe all I need is for you to say that you don't want me anymore. A kind of closure. Let's just put an end to it. Help me forget about you. Help me let you go.

I just need to talk to you. And yet, I'm so afraid to do so. Being with you is a double edged sword. For one thing, it offers the closure I envisioned. And yet, another chance to be with you might tip me more off balanced.

*Sigh*

The Truth

He's not a bad guy. In fact, he's the greatest guy I've ever met. He's not perfect but neither am I. If there's one person to blame, it would be me. He loved me more than anyone did. He loved me so much that he managed to let me go. Yet he didn't disappear on me. He didn't erase himself from my life. He stayed not as a boyfriend but as a friend. He finally let me go and I'm happy. It relieved me of all the pressure I had. Yet I know I'm hurting him still.

I had to let him go. It's hard enough falling for someone when you're committed, yet it's harder harboring a broken heart while in it. It's pretty clear that it was I who had fault. I fell in love with someone else.

I don't know anymore if I'm trudging in the right path. All I know is I must rise from where I have fallen. I don't know how long it will take. I'm not even sure if he's still gonna be there when I'm done recovering, but I must take my time. I must accept the fact that he's out of my life.

My apologies to that person. Things may change between us, but you will still be very dear to me. You are very special to me and I care for you deeply. I know you love me and I'm very thankful. Thank you for letting me breathe. Thank you for setting me free.

I know you're not giving up on me and I really appreciate the effort. I don't know what will happen. Only time can tell...this situation will either make us stronger or tear us apart.

Venting it out...

Why is it so easy for you to give up? When you have a responsibility to carry out, you do it to your full power. You have to at least try. You might not like it at first, but you have to try. YOU NEVER GIVE UP WITHOUT TRYING!!! If it was so easy to just give up then the organization would be no more. It would cease to exist. As servant leaders, we do not just do what we please. We do what will benefit our members. What will benefit the majority. We think of their welfare before ours. With faulty leadership, their trust will begin to crumble. Seeing nothing done in the organization that promised them so much, they might withdraw their membership. Without people supporting the organization, it withers away and eventually dies.

Being a leader has a lot of responsibility. Why take on a responsibility not knowing how much it will cost you? You might say that you were merely assigned to the position, but by sitting in office you accepted its responsibility alongside its power.*Sigh* There are many things you need to learn. When you take on something, you give your everything. You put you heart and soul into it, so that we the time comes you can say that you've given yourself for it. You have to believe in what you do. You have to understand why you're doing something. You do not just follow orders. You have to understand what the order was for. You have to judge whether you will follow or not. You have been selected as the voice of your people so be that someone and do your job! You speak up.

You need vision. You need a goal. Without a goal, people lose sight of where they're heading. And in the case of those in power, they lose sight of where they're leading their people. A goal is that something you strive hard to achieve you never stop having goals. When you accomplished one, you push through with the next one. Little by little you emerge from the bottom. You climb higher and higher, achieving greater and greater goals. Eventually, you will find the vision within reach. And if not, you leave a legacy and let the next generation reach for it. If you taught them well enough, they'll establish a new vision for they'll make reality the vision of your term.

I can only teach you so much. You have to learn for yourself, the same way has I have. There was no one to tell me what was right or what was wrong. I relied on my co-officers and asked for advices from the previous terms. I hear all what they have to say and based from that I make a decision. I cannot just do what I think is best at a whim. I have to think and rethink a decision many times before I put it down.

So it is

I guess I'm not welcome in your life anymore. So it is...

Panic

I accidentally saw you yesterday.

After buying Soya milk I sat outside Higher Grounds. I was too lazy to walk towards Engineering building. I just kept thinking and convincing myself that I won't see you, that I was there because I was lazy, that's all. I figured you might not be there, my boyfriend will meet up with me any minute, everything was okay. I kept on looking at your building, thinking of you. How I won't be able to see you. I already thought of many excuses why so, I even distracted myself by playing some game from my cellular phone. It passed the time a bit. Just me with my cold serving of Soya milk. Yumm...And then, you were there.

I saw you with a friend. I saw you just as I was about to take another sip of my drink. My hand missed the cup and almost dropped it. If it didn't have a lid on it, it would have spilled. Oh boy. Would you have noticed me if I spilled my milk? Did you see me yesterday? Too shocked to see you, I panicked. What the hell can I say to you? After all the stupid things I've done. After eating my pride and reaching out to you. What the hell was I supposed to say? You dropped my calls more than a few times. Wouldn't even reply to my messages. I'm so ashamed of myself so doing so yet I persisted. And I've began to hate myself for all the stupidity I've done. I'm so ashamed.

There I was, trying to catch my fallen cup. Watching from a distance how you are once more outside my reach. My heart pounding, my mind floating, pulse racing. Did you notice me at all? With all the stupid things going through my head, I did what my instincts tell me. I ran away.

I don't have the courage to come up to you. I don't have the guts to greet or even just to say hi. I don't think I'll be able to look you in the eye and say I'm okay. It was so stupid seeing you. So stupid that it affected me so much. I don't think I can take it.

I know I have lost you. You are not my lover nor am I yours. But for a moment, I felt its reality. How you and I were somewhere reason cannot define. The boundary between right and wrong blurred and I was taken away.

Goodbye was the last word you had for me. It pained me deeply. But life must go on.

Our paths may separate. Reality has once again regained control. Though I had been hurt, I'd never regret meeting you. I'd never regret having you in my life, even just for a short while. You were everything I ever hoped a man could be. And now, thinking of you is but a bitter sweet memory.

Maybe someday we'll meet again. Maybe someday, we'll laugh at the memories we've shared. Maybe someday, we'll be able to talk to each other without the uneasiness I feel...

Maybe someday, we can still be friends.

Decision of Happiness

When does a decision becomes right? Is it when you create happiness for others or is it when you create happiness for yourself? A decision where one has to sacrifice his own happiness for the sake of another, isn't that the right way to think? I've been pondering over this for quite sometime now. I guess you must follow whatever it is that makes you happy for in the end a decision which lacks the necessary ingredients will consume you whole. The right decision is when you create happiness not only for yourself but for that person as well. You have to reanalyze whether that person's happiness will mark your own happiness...