Last night, I summed up the courage to text you. I was very nervous. I thought that it wouldn't matter whether you replied or not. I was anxious and tensed. Finally, you replied. I froze. I started shaking. I was really cold. The conversation was about the money you owe me. You agreed to pay me back. I thought that would be the end of the messages but you asked me how I was. I couldn't take it. I was just too tensed. I was shaking and I couldn't help but cry. I hated myself for feeling that way. Yet I felt as if I pushed too hard on us being friends that I made a few jokes and used a lot of smileys. I felt it was a mistake. Because the moment you stopped replying, I felt stupid. It took me quite a while to calm down. I felt like throwing up. I felt like crying again and the shaking took a while to subside. I hate that feeling. I hate it so much. I guess until I can keep my emotions in check, we can never be friends. You still have the power to affect me so.
Seeing you happy with someone else. Remembering our past. Reliving how it ended. All this gives me a nauseating feeling. I can't bear it. I want it to stop. I want the pain to stop.
Monday, December 19, 2011
Monday, December 5, 2011
My Resolve
I cannot dictate my heart to let go and stop hoping yet I know that eventually everything will be in vain. My resolve is to wait this out. Let my heart wait until it can wait no more. Let it tire itself from the useless waiting. Someday, someone more deserving will come. Until that day let nothingness be my comfort. Let the emptiness that you left continue to be a black hole of emotions. You still have a special place in my heart but I will do nothing more. To observe from afar and to detach myself from your present, that would be the best thing to do. To get used to feeling nothing and to be comforted by nothing but when you start to fall from your heaven, I will be there so save you.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Sana mawala ka na
Mahal ko, napapagod na ata akong maghintay.
I guess that's good.
The heart can only wait so long. I hope it gets tired and just move on.
Sana mawala ka na sa puso ko.
I guess that's good.
The heart can only wait so long. I hope it gets tired and just move on.
Sana mawala ka na sa puso ko.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Then and Now
You loved me then, I love you now
All that's left are the memories.
I'm sorry.
Goodbye.
Good luck.
Farewell.
I love you.
Do you still think of me? Have I ever once crossed you mind? Do you still have some love left for me inside your heart?
Letting go is never an easy task. Yet I must stand on my own two feet. I must fight. I must survive. I won't let this depression kill me. I won't let my heartache get the best out of me.
All that's left are the memories.
I'm sorry.
Goodbye.
Good luck.
Farewell.
I love you.
Do you still think of me? Have I ever once crossed you mind? Do you still have some love left for me inside your heart?
Letting go is never an easy task. Yet I must stand on my own two feet. I must fight. I must survive. I won't let this depression kill me. I won't let my heartache get the best out of me.
11-11-11
Why does this still hurt? I just realized that you untagged yourself from our pictures. I know I shouldn't care but I feel so sad. It still hurts, sweetie. I know it shouldn't but still it does. I'm not even trying to romanticize the pain, yet it lasts. Why won't it go away?
I really don't want to cry. My eyes are already swollen. I don't want to yet my chest is already in anguish. It hurts so bad.
I know you've already forgotten. I know you've already recovered. You already love someone new and I'm stuck in the past.
There's a big possibility that I'll cry myself to sleep once more. There's a big chance that I'll think of you until I fall asleep.
I pity myself.
In the depths of my soul, I wish to tell you these words, words that have no more place in our lives, words that would have been sweet and beautiful yet are now mere make believe. In the depths of my soul, I wish to reach out to you, to hug you tight and pray that we'll never be apart. In the depths of my soul, I wish to say a "happy 3rd year anniversary to us"
Cheers.
I really don't want to cry. My eyes are already swollen. I don't want to yet my chest is already in anguish. It hurts so bad.
I know you've already forgotten. I know you've already recovered. You already love someone new and I'm stuck in the past.
There's a big possibility that I'll cry myself to sleep once more. There's a big chance that I'll think of you until I fall asleep.
I pity myself.
In the depths of my soul, I wish to tell you these words, words that have no more place in our lives, words that would have been sweet and beautiful yet are now mere make believe. In the depths of my soul, I wish to reach out to you, to hug you tight and pray that we'll never be apart. In the depths of my soul, I wish to say a "happy 3rd year anniversary to us"
Cheers.
Friday, October 14, 2011
Endless ramblings
Today, I erased your text messages. It took me a long time to do so. More than 10 months. I guess this time it's really real. I am really saying goodbye.
These past few months have been very hard. It just seemed like everything's happening way too fast. I lost you and I lost myself in the process. I just felt so lost. I lost all interest. My friends, my job, everything. I just couldn't function that well. I tried to keep a brave front. Hey, I can still smile so I must still be okay right? Smiling as if nothing's wrong yet hurting so bad I'd want to die. And truth be told, I thought of killing myself more than a couple of times. Stupidity, right? But that's how it is. When it hurts, you'd want to get away.
Finally, I chose to move on. I'm still hurting but what else can I do? I must move on. You have done that already. You succeeded in that so what's keeping me? There's no more chance of getting back what was lost. I was really devastated when you left. Everything about me was crushed. My pride, my ego and my heart. There was nothing left of me. I felt like trash.
It hurt to move. It hurt to go to work. It hurt to wake up. Everything hurt.
I was fortunate to have my friends and family around. I was fortunate because they loved me so much. I felt so bad making them worry.
I didn't like going to work because it reminded me of you. I changed my network because of the same reason. I tried to change how I look. I tried to change everything about me. I really tried but I failed. I'm still the old me.
Now, I'm letting go. I'm letting go of everything that hurts. I'm letting go of my job. I chopped off my locks. I stopped checking on you. This is really it.
Hey, I'm doing this not just for you. I'm doing this for myself as well. I'd be studying full-time for the next few months. And I look better now. Not as stressed as I used to be.
Everything has a reason...
You know what, it's been hard letting go. It might be because I felt guilty hurting you. But then again, what you did to me was far worse. In the game we played, I lost. I bit off more than I can chew.
This time, another chapter of my life will start. Whether you'd be a part of it or not is yet to be foretold. I used to think that when the love fades, we'd be left with friendship. But then again, was I too naive to think that way? Going through this, I don't think we can ever be friends again. What a sad reality, right? But I guess it would be for the best.
Let bygones, be bygones. And that's what you are. A bygone.
This entry is tainted by bitterness, I know. But let this be the last entry I write about our love because in this I am saying my last goodbye.
I loved you then, I love you now but by tomorrow I want you gone.
Goodbye, my love. It's the end. You'd caused me much pain and misery. Goodbye to you whom I loved so well. Goodbye and farewell.
If ever we'd see each other again, I know that it won't be because of love. If ever we do see each other again, I do hope you'd pay me back. In the end, it won't be about love. It won't even be about us. It goes down to money. It all boils down to money. That's the only thing I'd want now from you. To return what is rightfully mine. At least I can say that I didn't go empty handed. That's one thing that can satisfy my ego.
These past few months have been very hard. It just seemed like everything's happening way too fast. I lost you and I lost myself in the process. I just felt so lost. I lost all interest. My friends, my job, everything. I just couldn't function that well. I tried to keep a brave front. Hey, I can still smile so I must still be okay right? Smiling as if nothing's wrong yet hurting so bad I'd want to die. And truth be told, I thought of killing myself more than a couple of times. Stupidity, right? But that's how it is. When it hurts, you'd want to get away.
Finally, I chose to move on. I'm still hurting but what else can I do? I must move on. You have done that already. You succeeded in that so what's keeping me? There's no more chance of getting back what was lost. I was really devastated when you left. Everything about me was crushed. My pride, my ego and my heart. There was nothing left of me. I felt like trash.
It hurt to move. It hurt to go to work. It hurt to wake up. Everything hurt.
I was fortunate to have my friends and family around. I was fortunate because they loved me so much. I felt so bad making them worry.
I didn't like going to work because it reminded me of you. I changed my network because of the same reason. I tried to change how I look. I tried to change everything about me. I really tried but I failed. I'm still the old me.
Now, I'm letting go. I'm letting go of everything that hurts. I'm letting go of my job. I chopped off my locks. I stopped checking on you. This is really it.
Hey, I'm doing this not just for you. I'm doing this for myself as well. I'd be studying full-time for the next few months. And I look better now. Not as stressed as I used to be.
Everything has a reason...
You know what, it's been hard letting go. It might be because I felt guilty hurting you. But then again, what you did to me was far worse. In the game we played, I lost. I bit off more than I can chew.
This time, another chapter of my life will start. Whether you'd be a part of it or not is yet to be foretold. I used to think that when the love fades, we'd be left with friendship. But then again, was I too naive to think that way? Going through this, I don't think we can ever be friends again. What a sad reality, right? But I guess it would be for the best.
Let bygones, be bygones. And that's what you are. A bygone.
This entry is tainted by bitterness, I know. But let this be the last entry I write about our love because in this I am saying my last goodbye.
I loved you then, I love you now but by tomorrow I want you gone.
Goodbye, my love. It's the end. You'd caused me much pain and misery. Goodbye to you whom I loved so well. Goodbye and farewell.
If ever we'd see each other again, I know that it won't be because of love. If ever we do see each other again, I do hope you'd pay me back. In the end, it won't be about love. It won't even be about us. It goes down to money. It all boils down to money. That's the only thing I'd want now from you. To return what is rightfully mine. At least I can say that I didn't go empty handed. That's one thing that can satisfy my ego.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
This is not goodbye
"If he was meant for you, you will be brought together, and you should expect the world from that. You cannot wish for something without conviction." -Mrs. Alcantara, Between dinner and the morning after
It doesn't matter how far our paths diverge. I believe in destiny. If we were meant to be, we will be. It doesn't matter how long...
Right now, I can't let the sadness eat me up. I won't let it rule me anymore. I'll be stronger. For you and for me. I'll leave you be. You happiness will always be important to me. So for now, this is it...end of the line.
I'll start creating up my own future. I'll dream up my own dreams. I'm not gonna depend on you anymore. I'll be alright on my own.
I have to be strong for the people who love me. I have to be strong for myself.
I can, I will and I must pull through.
This is not goodbye. I just chose to accept the reality that you're not mine anymore. But there will always be a question of maybe...someday...I'm not hoping anymore...but I'm open to the possibility.
I'll see you when I see you. :)
It doesn't matter how far our paths diverge. I believe in destiny. If we were meant to be, we will be. It doesn't matter how long...
Right now, I can't let the sadness eat me up. I won't let it rule me anymore. I'll be stronger. For you and for me. I'll leave you be. You happiness will always be important to me. So for now, this is it...end of the line.
I'll start creating up my own future. I'll dream up my own dreams. I'm not gonna depend on you anymore. I'll be alright on my own.
I have to be strong for the people who love me. I have to be strong for myself.
I can, I will and I must pull through.
This is not goodbye. I just chose to accept the reality that you're not mine anymore. But there will always be a question of maybe...someday...I'm not hoping anymore...but I'm open to the possibility.
I'll see you when I see you. :)
Friday, May 13, 2011
God, kayo na po bahala...
God, kayo na po ang bahala. I know that I can never bring back the past. I tried to make amends to the person I love but to no avail. He has fallen in love with someone else. What else can I do. If he's happy with her, then I'll be happy for him. I love him. As much as I want their relationship to fall, I can never think that. It will hurt him. I don't want him to hurt any more. I want him to be happy. Be it with me or with someone else. I just want him to be happy. I know I'll cry and mourn over my loss but what else is there to do? I wish that their relationship be happy and well. I hope that Rina will take good care of Bam. I hope that their love will be enough to erase the pain I've caused Bam. I guess this is the end of the story of the turtle and the shell. An end to Shelene and Bam.
I love you, Bam. But as you wished it, I'm letting you go.
God, Kayo na po ang bahala sa taong mahal ko. Kayo na po ang bahala sa tayong mahal nya. Nawa'y patnubayan nyo po ang kanilang relasyon at nawa'y maging masaya sila.
Kayo na rin po ang bahala sa akin. Nasasaktan man ako ngayon alam kong may plano kayo. Kayo na po ang bahala sa buhay ko. Gabayan nyo po ako sa twina.
The memory will always stay with me. I will always remember that once in my life Turtle loved me. But it's over and we all must move on.
Towards a better future.
Goodbye, mahal ko...mahal na mahal kita...
I love you, Bam. But as you wished it, I'm letting you go.
God, Kayo na po ang bahala sa taong mahal ko. Kayo na po ang bahala sa tayong mahal nya. Nawa'y patnubayan nyo po ang kanilang relasyon at nawa'y maging masaya sila.
Kayo na rin po ang bahala sa akin. Nasasaktan man ako ngayon alam kong may plano kayo. Kayo na po ang bahala sa buhay ko. Gabayan nyo po ako sa twina.
The memory will always stay with me. I will always remember that once in my life Turtle loved me. But it's over and we all must move on.
Towards a better future.
Goodbye, mahal ko...mahal na mahal kita...
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
My Turtle...
I have done everything I could to bring you back. I begged and I pleaded. I ate all my pride and threw away my ego. All have been said and done. It's not my fight anymore. You have to decide. I do love you, Bam. More than anything in the world, I love you. But I cannot do anything anymore. You're starting to fall for someone. Though you're still confused, it hurts. I couldn't help myself from asking, what is there to be confused of? Is it your feelings for her? Or your feelings for me? Right now, I'll do what you asked of me. I'll wait. I'll wait even though there's no assurance that you will come back. I couldn't help myself from hoping but I'm ready to accept whatever it is that makes you happy. Though I still wish you'd find your happiness with me, I cannot dictate your decision.
As my dad said, "Kung para sayo, babalik at babalik sya. Kung hindi, hindi natin mapipilit."
I'll take all the memories and keep them in my heart. Wherever we go, no matter how far our paths diverge, you will always have a place in my heart.
If in case, you find your happiness with her, it will hurt but I'll be happy for you just the same. I'll still be here when you need me. No matter how we put it, you will always be my Turtle and I will always be your Shell.
I love you, Abraham Santos Vega...and I always will...
*Sigh*
Time can either be my friend or my enemy...
As my dad said, "Kung para sayo, babalik at babalik sya. Kung hindi, hindi natin mapipilit."
I'll take all the memories and keep them in my heart. Wherever we go, no matter how far our paths diverge, you will always have a place in my heart.
If in case, you find your happiness with her, it will hurt but I'll be happy for you just the same. I'll still be here when you need me. No matter how we put it, you will always be my Turtle and I will always be your Shell.
I love you, Abraham Santos Vega...and I always will...
*Sigh*
Time can either be my friend or my enemy...
Saturday, May 7, 2011
*Sigh*
If only life had a reset button, I'll use it to go back to the time that you and I were still together.
*sigh*
As much as I want to you to be happy, I still want you to be with me...
I love you, yet loving you makes me feel so vulnerable. Like a blind person crossing the street. It tears me up inside. In turn, I lose myself.
I need to take care of myself a bit more.
I need to love myself again...
*sigh*
As much as I want to you to be happy, I still want you to be with me...
I love you, yet loving you makes me feel so vulnerable. Like a blind person crossing the street. It tears me up inside. In turn, I lose myself.
I need to take care of myself a bit more.
I need to love myself again...
Your Happiness
Just when I thought that everything will be okay this happened. I don't know what to do anymore. Will holding on make me any closer to him? How can I compete? Will my love be enough? I thought that the worst was over. I was wrong. This is far worse. I'm losing him all over again. No matter how much effort I put in it, he keeps pulling away. Is the world tearing us apart?
Waiting without assurance. It's the same thing he did when I felt the way he does now. I hope it will end in the same way. I hope he finds his way back to me. I really love him. More than anything in the world, I love him. There's nothing I wouldn't do just to have him back. But then again, what if he's happier with her? What's more give? What's more to do?
My heart aches. My eyes are puffy from crying. Yet I cannot describe this pain I'm feeling.
My love, I hope you find your way back...I hope you'd pick me. I hope that you'd love me the same way you did back then. Yet I have no say in your decision. I love you but your happiness is what matters most to me. I hope you'd be happy...and yet I wish that your happiness is to be with me...
I love you, Turtle...I wanna be your Cubbie Shell again...
Waiting without assurance. It's the same thing he did when I felt the way he does now. I hope it will end in the same way. I hope he finds his way back to me. I really love him. More than anything in the world, I love him. There's nothing I wouldn't do just to have him back. But then again, what if he's happier with her? What's more give? What's more to do?
My heart aches. My eyes are puffy from crying. Yet I cannot describe this pain I'm feeling.
My love, I hope you find your way back...I hope you'd pick me. I hope that you'd love me the same way you did back then. Yet I have no say in your decision. I love you but your happiness is what matters most to me. I hope you'd be happy...and yet I wish that your happiness is to be with me...
I love you, Turtle...I wanna be your Cubbie Shell again...
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
SONG HELP! Please ask your grandmas and grandpas.
Hi, guys! I need help finding the lyrics and the artist of this song, "How strange my love, that's why you and I will kiss in the moonlight and whisper goodbye. How strange my love so soon our love will fade away with the moon" This song is very dear to my lolo. He passed away last Monday, Jan. 10, 2011. If you have any information at all with the song, it will be greatly appreciated. (P.S. I tried online searches but I can't find any leads.) Thanks in advance.
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