Once Upon A Star

Sanay na ako. Alam ko naman. From the start I knew it won't end in a positive note. I really like you so much to the point that I think I'm in love with you. But this is as far as it goes. I'm sorry. I know I said we were good. I know I said I'm not mad. I know I said we're okay...but give me time to pick the pieces of my broken heart. This is already the second time you rejected me.

I wanted to be with you. That's all I wanted. To be able to stay by your side. But that ain't happening. We have our own circumstances. Still it doesn't change the fact that I like you. Possibly more than you will ever know, after all I'm just a hair short of confessing love...which I still question til now.

This is one of the hardest things I had to do. I'm trying to cut my connection with you. I don't wanna sever the ties but I think I have to for now. I think I deserve to spare myself from more heartaches.

I doubt na tatagal ako ng isang linggo na di ka nakakausap. Pero pano nga ba?

To You

Earlier, I saw someone who looked exactly like you from behind. Your hair and your thin frame. It makes me think of the moments I spent looking at your back. You were always a breathe of sunshine. How you'd shyly smile at me and your cute sweet gestures. I miss you. I miss how you treasured me. How I wish I could have chosen you...but alas, things that are not meant to be, are not meant to be. Still, I wanna see you. I wanna talk to you. When I do, will there be a spark of maybe? Will there be acceptance and closure? And would it be too much to ask who SC really was? Or if she really did exist? It still haunts me. The memories of you and me...of being left hanging...and finally forgotten.

New year

Every year start the same, with you and me chatting on messenger. Exchanging greetings, giving updates, and exchanging jokes. I don't know if you noticed but mixed with the jokes and laughter are all the feelings I'm trying to keep bottled in. We are not meant to be. And we will never be meant to be. But in my heart I know there's a flicker of hope I've been sustaining through the years. A hope that I'd like to put out but is being kept alive by these feelings that burn...

ito na naman...

Himala. Isang himala na makakaruha ako ng remedial exams. Isang himala sapagkat nung oras na iyon, ramdam na ramdam ko na wala akong alam.

Hindi ko alam kung ano dapat kong maramdaman. Natutuwa ako pero nalulungkot ako. Sobrang nanghihinayang ako. Sobrang naiirita. Akala ko sapat na ang inaral ko. Akala ko sapat...ngunit kulang. Nablangko ang utak ko. Ang kakarampot na kaalamang napagtibay ko sa loob ng isang gabi ng paspasang magaaral ay tuluyang nawala. Ang samplex na akala ko magiging sukatan kung gaano kahirap ang exam ay walang binatbat sa totoong exam. Nangamote ako.

Umasa ako. Umasa ako na ang mga alam ko ang lalabas. Umasa ako na sapat ang pag-aaral na ginawa ko. Hindi naman yun ang una kong pagbasa sa mga topics. Kahit papano naman siguro may natutunan ako. Umasa ako ngunit nabigo. Masakit. Lagi na lang akong sumasabit. Laging kulang.

Alam kong ako ang may kasalanan. Ngunit kahit gaano ko man katanggap na ako ang maysala , masakit pa rin. At muli ko na namang itatanong sa sarili ko, tama ba ang daang tinatahak ko? Para sa akin nga ba ito? Malungkot. Masakit. Pero kailangang magpatuloy...

The lost star

We were chatting earlier today. He told me in our relationship, I was not emotionally inclined. I beg to defer, it was the other way around. In our relationship, YOU were not emotionally inclined. But how could I say that? It's over. You and I were a thing of the past. I miss you. If given a chance I'd gladly pick you over other boys. But it's not possible.

Human nature

I like keeping things vague. People judge you yet in reality they don't know anything about you. They don't even know what the hell I'm talking about. The more they judge, the more I laugh. They got it so wrong. Twisted in the way they want you to suffer, fall, or whatever they want. It's not perplexing. It's human nature. And I love observing it. Ain't that amusing? :))

Random love post

Sometimes I get the feeling that maybe love just aint for me. I dont conciously seek for it or anything but witnessing it happen for the people around me and wishing that I'd have something like that someday lessens the hope that I will find it. Haha maybe I'm not making sense. Maybe I still believe that love is possible. A love worth a thousand love stories. Or perhaps. A love that will put those stories to shame. But alas, that love is not for me. At least for now. I will merely be an observer. Love is not something I want or seek at this point. Or is this maybe a start of the end of love for me? Hmm