Shooting star

Fall hard, baby. Fall hard like a shooting star. Fall, strike Earth and shatter into pieces. I like you broken like that. I know how the story goes. I'd like to see you get your karma. 

I hope this is goodbye

Mahal ko, sana bago matapos tong taon na to, makalimutan na kita. Sobrang pasakit ang binigay mo sa akin. You cheated on me with that wretched woman and now she's officially your girl. I'm not sure what to feel and how to act. It's quite laughable. I'm laughing in annoyance. I hate you. I really do. But because you gave me so much pain, it's hard to forget. I did everything I could but holding on is not for me anymore. We had our time. And it has passed. I am annoyed with myself that I'm thinking of you still. I hate you, bam. Katulad ng pakiusap ko noon, wag ka ng babalik.

I wanna have the strength to really move on and forget you. I'm not a fan of goodbyes but I know this is for the best. I loved you. At least that much is not a lie.

I'll get through this

It's funny. I just realized I write more here either when I'm heartbroken or too happy and so much in love. Writings really is a therapy. I can release the negative emotions and in the happier times, magnify that happiness by a hundred times over.

Today is his birthday. I really wanted to celebrate it with him before and somehow I feel a bit of a loss. Then again, it's not my fault.

Because I still felt a bit down, I started questioning the reality of love and whether or not I should believe it. Then again, I guess no matter how painful it is, I will still find myself believing that true love exists. A kind of love that will make the hurt go away and never return. I hope it's not wishful thinking. Haha soon enough, when the pain subsides, a new love will begin. Be it not a romantic kind of love, yet a kind that will make my heart feel lighter.

HBD '14

I've been celebrating your birthday for the past 5 years. First, we spent it with my sis and your friends at your house. Second, I gave you a surprise cake from Max's and cooked spaghetti.  Third, I gave you a cake from Bakerite and treated you to Gumbo's. Fourth, we've broken up by then. You had a gf then and I just sent you a message. Fifth, was last year. You joined a marathon and I was there with you and Tito. I gave you a runner's cap. And now, I don't even want to greet you. You broke my heart. Even wanted to forget this day altogether but that's just ain't happening, right? I wanna write you off the face of the Earth. I hate you, womanizer, you, liar! Cheater! Have a happy fucked up life, you stupid moronic person! I just hate you. FU.

This is what I wrote earlier yet through it all I can't help but at least greet you a happy birthday. I'm seen zoned. Not even a thank you at that but oh well. I shouldn't care much.

Enough

Maybe it's just not meant to be. Maybe we were never supposed to be lovers. Maybe we don't really belong in each other's lives. Bam, turtle, my love...for the 2nd time you cheated on me. You said that you'd work hard to gain back my trust. You said that I was the only one. That I was your future wife. Being the fool that I am, I believed you. For the nth time, I believed you. How many times must you hurt me? How many times will you fool me? As much as I love you, even my love is not enough to satisfy you. You are greedy.

I wanted for things to be okay. I honestly believed that it would work out. That eventually you'd be back to the way you were before. An honest and dependable man that I adored. But I think you're too caught up in your lies that you don't even see where you're headed anymore. Your indecisiveness, guile, and quite frankly, your worldly lust and selfishness has gotten the better of you. You say that you love me but managed to spend the night with other women in your bed? Is my love not enough?

This isn't the kind of relationship I want. I'm drowning in my insecurities and yet you won't give me any assurance where we're heading. It tears me up inside and every time this happens all I can think off is, am I not enough?

But dear, I am enough. I am more than enough. For who loves me, I will be enough. I don't have to compete for time. I won't have to ask the simplest request. I won't have to fight for your attention. Coz I deserve someone who'll give me all that without the tiniest bit of hesitation. I deserve a real man in my life. Someone who wouldn't draw up castles in the sky only to break them down with the harshness of reality.

With every bit of my heart, I love you...but even the strongest of love will break under these insurmountable lies. I had done enough. I had cried enough. I gave you more than second chances. And yet, I was not enough...and I guess I never will. Maybe it's really time to bid farewell to this relationship...

And to the girl who befriended me, Karla, I really did like you. I really thought that we could have been good friends. I guess I'm really a bad judge of character. You were no friend at all. You lied to me. I confronted you and still you lied. How dare you sleep with my guy? How dare you feign innocence and make me feel like everything was all in my head? Then again, if you can't even respect yourself, how can I expect you to respect me. It's funny coz you wished our relationship goodluck and told me you were rooting for us. What the hell, Karla. I really shouldn't have trusted you. You are after all one of his exes.

So finally, let's put an end to this dysfunctional relationship. You can keep your bitch. I'm not staying. Rather, I'm moving forward. Far away from assholes like you.

"How do I unlove you?"

A lot of things happened between us. Last year was the worst time I spent with you. You broke my heart and shattered every ounce of hope that maybe this time we can make it. Maybe this time we'll have a love that transcends time. Constant in its beauty and warmth. Always welcoming and comforting.

Last year I thought about you and I together again. Being the romantic type, I thought that having you by my side was the universe's way of saying that it was the way it was meant to be. That you and I belong together. After all, you were the turtle and I was the shell. Life would cease to exist for both of us without the other one around.

But I was wrong.

You so easily left my side.

What I saw in your eyes was not love. Though it was not hate either. What I saw in your eyes were of irritation and of disgust. I asked myself over and over what have I done to deserve that. What have I done for you to easily replace me with another? And then I found myself drowning my sorrows in beer again. Crying and wishing that my world would just end right then and there.

A month had passed with no text or call from you. You left me hanging with the promise that in one month you'd give me an answer. In that span of time, I distanced myself from what we had. I fought hard and was left with a feeling of detachment. For more than five years, I loved you and yet it seemed like the end was inevitable.

On Christmas eve, I was talking to your new girl. She was telling me there was another one involved. I lost my mind. Never once did I think of you as a two-timing kind of guy. Three time at that! But I never talked to you about it. After all, I am nothing but a past you simply could not wait to get rid of.

January came and with that you came back. Suddenly telling me that you made your mind and picked me. That you left everything for me. Deep in my heart I was glad. After everything, it was still me.

I thought that maybe, this time and again, it will work out.

How can you love a man so much to be this stupid? To hurt yourself over and over with a kind of love you always knew was lacking. Are you really happy with this guy or are you just afraid of being alone?

I am still the stupid girl I was before. I am still seeing him. I love this guy enough that it drives me nuts. And yet it's the kind of love that leaves me hurting. He tells me he loves me, but i know for a fact that I love him more. Much more than he can ever love me and it makes me feel lonely that it hurts so much.

I don't think he will be able to fill the void in my heart with his kind of love. Maybe it just isn't meant to be. But how can I let go of someone I love so much? I don't know but I think loving him is causing me more harm than good...but still I can't let go of that person. The person who gave me so much joy and so much pain...

Dan Dan

More and more I find myself falling in love with you. It's not just because you spoil me with food. hehe I get to have my pick and we can eat almost anywhere. I love it when we go to different places together. I don't really care what we do, as long as I'm with you I'm happy. I really really love you. :)