To the Person Who Used to be my Hitori

Meeting you again for the first time after two years almost seemed unreal. It was funny and weird at the same time. I really didn't know what to expect. Maybe we'd have a lot of awkward silence and tense moments. Loss of words and ultimately, loss of anything to talk about. But it was beyond what I could have imagined. When I saw you earlier and met me with arms wide outstretched and hugged me tight, I know I need not worry. The person who stood before me was a friend.
Three years ago, my world was shattered when we broke up. I felt devastated and unworthy of love. Of retaining a serious relationship. I felt like a toy that people would just throw away after playing with it. It was as if the torture of my first break up was relived. With no one there to comfort me, no one to ease the pain you left, I felt like trash. I blamed myself and then I blamed you. I was in agony.
Fortunately few months after, I got better. Someone else had taken your place. He saw what you couldn't and from there a relationship blossomed. He was very dear to me but our time together eventually came to an end.
A year after our break up, we saw each other again. I was actually checking whether I still felt something for you. There was none. But I was left with awkwardness.
And then there you were, two years after we last saw each other, checking on me again. Wanting to see me. It felt weird initially. But being the person that I am, I brushed it off as nothing. Instilling in my mind that it has no romantic significance, that it was a friendly gesture. You are after all, engaged. And so we agreed to meet and have lunch. It was really amazing. Catching up. Talking about your plans. The lives we took and will take in the future. And just when we were about to part ways, you apologized. You apologized about the past. You know what, you need not worry. I forgave you a long time ago. I already let go of whatever bitterness I felt back then. You don't need to worry about me. I've gotten over you, didn't I? Before our last goodbye, again you hugged me. And before me stood my ex-boyfriend. The person I met six years ago during my ROTC days. The person who used to be my hitori. The person whom I used to call Penguin. A person whom I've shared silly jokes and laughter, and somehow been a source of my grief. But beyond all that, he is my friend.