Disappointment

I wanted to tell you how my day worked. I wanted to tell you the disappointment I had all day. I thought I can have your sim card back. But it seems impossible now.

I wanted to give you back your sim card. I thought it was the only thing I can give you that no one else will be crazy enough to do. I tried calling it a few times and it was always out of reach and then a few days ago, it was ringing. It was still active. I contacted the person safeguarding it and even managed to arrange a meeting to return the card. He agreed.

I was never a proponent of eyeballs but there I was, so excited with the prospect of getting the sim card back. I even bought another sun sim to swap. On the day of the meeting, I was running late so I rescheduled it at 1:30PM, 30minutes behind the original schedule. He said that he had to attend to other things and will meet me at 4pm instead.

I got to SM Fairview (the agreed meeting place) a few minutes before 4pm. Since “Cris” was not texting me, I decided to give him a call after 15 minute. I called and called. At first he said he didn’t have enough load to text me, and then because of my stupid phone, I was cut off. Then I called again, nobody was picking up. A few more attempts and a lady picked up. She asked who I was and had me explain the whole situation, and it didn’t help that she hung up on me. When I called again, an older lady picked up. She said that Cris left a few minutes ago. It was then that I realized that he would never go though much trouble to return a sim card.

I figured I must be crazy trying to get a hold of it. I wanted it so much that when the disappointment came, it was too much for me to handle. I was angry, disappointed, and I felt very stupid. There was nothing I can do but cry.

I cried because I felt like I lost in this game that I played. I cried because I felt the unfairness of it all. I’ve always believed in the value of words. When you say something, you mean it, much more if it was about a promise or a meeting. In meetings, people clear their schedule or block out their planners just to attend it. Also, when two people agreed on something, it’s like promising to that person. It’s just so unfair that he agreed to meet only to take it back at the last minute. I cried because I am a naïveté and I never think bad of people, until he does something bad to me. To me, every person is innately good. I cried because I always trust too much. I trusted that person so much and gave him a chance to hurt me. I cried because I am stupid and it hurts.

I wanted to tell you all this but what will that accomplish? Nothing. You’re still not that comfortable with me and I can sense why. I don’t have to say it to know that you can feel it. And I am just so sorry. It’s very hard for me to let go of people, especially those that are dear to me. It’s very hard.