A Confession to my Friend

I just really wanted to see if you're okay. I want to see what's up with you. We haven't been talking much these past few months and I just want to see if you'll be fine without me. And somehow I think you are.

It's a mixed feeling actually, I'm happy that you're fine yet a bit sad because you've managed to ignore me for so long.

If I was writing this a few weeks back, I would have wished for you to need me. To need me in the sense that you wouldn't be able to live without me. Back then I didn't want to choose. I wanted you as well as my boyfriend. I was selfish. I made you hurt and I made him hurt too. After thinking it out, I decided to chose you but you were no where to be found. It's hard giving your heart to someone who's trying very hard to forget you. I called. I texted. I tried to reach out to you, but I also wanted to preserve my pride...

When my boyfriend and I broke up, I wanted you to call me, to text me, or do whatever to contact me. But you didn't. And now, things changed. I'm not that selfish anymore. I'm setting you free as I am setting myself free.

It's a nice feeling not hoping for you to come back. No more false hopes. I've never been fond of goodbyes. Let's just start a new chapter of our lives. Just as friends. Nothing more, nothing less. For that to come true, I'll need your help.

When I lost you, my boyfriend worked hard to get me back. He didn't lose hope. At first I kept resisting his efforts, but now he reaps the fruits of his labor. He got me back. Little by little, he won me back. I didn't fell in love with him instantly, but I know that deep down I still have feelings for him. I love him, but still not to the point where I was in love with him. There's a big difference between the two. Yet, he held on to that.

Finally, after battling with myself several times, I know what I want. I want someone who'll be there, even though I raise hell at times, even though I make stupid decisions, and even though I hurt him at times. I want someone who'll love me despite my shortcomings.

I am not half hearted anymore. I lost my faith in forever and Bam has given it back. He made me believe in forever once more. I am once again, in love with him.

My friend, I pray that someday I can hear you laughter alongside mine. I pray that you'll take good care of yourself. May you be healed of your pain and may the sadness in your eyes be replaced with happiness. I will always love you and care for you. And when you need me, you'll know where to find me. *hugs*